Can someone please invent a GPS for bathrooms?

Day one of Italy, complete. I am more tired from today, alone, than I was from every day in Spain combined!

At about 8:30, my friend, Carmella, and I started the day off by finding an internet café and getting our much needed Facebook fix. Then, we ate lunch and got on a train headed to Rome. When we got there, we grabbed a taxi to Via del Corso, this four-mile long street lined with a bajillion different shops. After many hours of intense shopping, and way, way too much money spent, we picked a cute outdoor café and had dinner. I ordered the pizza margherita, and it was the best pizza I’ve ever eaten in my life. No joke. After dinner, we wandered around for awhile and then headed back to the train station to catch our train back to the port.

At the train station, we made a bee-line for the bathroom. We’d gone to the bathroom at the station earlier that day, and it was pretty interesting. Basically, the doors to the bathroom are coin-operated, so you have pay 1 euro per person to enter. I mean, they were pretty nice bathrooms, but having to pay to use a public restroom? That bites. So, Carmella and I decided that we’d try to beat the system. We went up to the door and started fishing out a coin. Then, some woman came up to me speaking in what I think was Swedish or something along those lines. I tried to understand what she was talking about and managed to decipher something about ‘gentleman’…so, I figured she wanted to know where the men’s room was for her husband or something. I pointed toward a random direction where I thought it might be, but she just gave me a puzzled look. I figured the language barrier wasn’t gonna get any better, so I focused on the task at hand—getting into the bathroom without paying.

The door shuts pretty quickly after the one person goes in, so we knew we’d have to be pretty stealth. After Carmella put the coin in, she went through the door, and I ran through after her. I guess these things are equipped to detect when multiple people enter, though, because as I ran through, this awful buzzing noise started going off. Once I got all the way through, though, it stopped. Phew. We were safe. Then, all of a sudden, the bathroom attendant comes out of one of the stall he’s cleaning and starts to yell. At first, I thought he had caught us in our scheme, but then it seemed like he was yelling something at the woman behind us, so I quickly hurried into a stall to avoid the conflict.

When I got into the first one, I realized there was no toilet seat. Ew. Next. But the next one was the same way. And so was the third. And then the fourth. I shouted to Carmella asking if she’d managed to find a toilet seat, and she said she had, so I kept searching. Finally, I found one, but decided it was too disgusting to actually utilize anyways. After I came out of the stall, the bathroom attendant was glaring at me and Carmella. What the hell is up his ass?

As we were washing our hands, I did a routine look in the mirror to make sure I looked okay. As I’m looking into the mirror, I start to notice something I hadn’t noticed before…all the people walking around us are…MEN. Carmella looks at me and says, ‘Umm…I don’t think we’re in the right place.’…so, I quickly glance behind me, and the bathroom attendant, who I now register as a male as well, is still scowling at us. Oh….Shit. Bathroom attendant man was yelling at US before…because THIS is the MEN’S room! And that Swedish lady wasn’t ASKING me where the men’s room was…she was TELLING us that this was it! And no wonder the toilets had no seats...what the hell does a guy need one for?!
The following 20 seconds that ensued after coming to this horrific realization were, perhaps, the most awkward 20 seconds of my life. I finished washing my hands and turned around to a swarm of men looking at Carmella and I like we were the stupidest people to ever walk the planet...and in their defense, I would’ve thought the same thing if I was them. How the hell did we not notice the BILLION signs of a skirt-less figures plastered on the outside of the bathroom!? As we walked out, men were muttering things like, ‘wrong place, sweetheart’ and ‘come back again!’…All I could think was, why me?? Why do I do stupid things like this? I manage to walk around Rome ALL day and not get lost once…but when it comes to finding the right restroom at the train station, I’m stumped? Really? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!  Clearly, a lot. Including, but not limited to, my vision, my common sense, and my poor ability to interpret context clues.

So, I end Italy day one, a little sorer, a little poorer, and a lot stupider. Back to Rome in the morning, where we’ll be getting a hostel overnight, and then onto Venice for two nights. Might be a couple days before I get a chance to post again! I'll do my best to avoid men's bathrooms! Ciao!